A Bitter Confession

I have a confession to make: I am a bitter disabled person. The media’s portrayal of people with disabilities had me believing that I’d forever be classified as either inspirational simply for existing, or pitied for being a helpless, worst-case scenario come to life. Add social media to the mix as a young adult, and the seed of bitterness that had been sown as a six-year-old cancer survivor was fed, watered and growing rapidly in my heart.

I joined X [formerly Twitter] to learn and connect with fellow writers and the disabled community at large. While I did gain invaluable connections and new learning opportunities on the platform, I also discovered how bitter and angry the world could be. My feed was bombarded with post after post of disabled people lamenting the lack of accessible businesses, the ableism they fight in the workplace, and the deep agony of having to work twice as hard just to (maybe) be seen as equal. It was heart-wrenchingly familiar. Seeing their pain gave voice to my own, and I added their bitterness to mine. It felt right and just to join the cause.

But the joy I had in being a disabled daughter of God was being suffocated by my bitterness at the world.

Much to my chagrin, the Bible has lots to say about anger and bitterness, and it doesn’t paint me and my self-righteous rants in a flattering light. Proverbs 14:29 says that “whoever is slow to anger has great understanding but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” Where will that anger lead? The Apostle James has our answer: “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jam. 1:20). Are we then never to be angry? No. Paul exhorts us that “in your anger, do not sin” (Eph. 4:26).

It’s a high calling. The world gives us plenty to be angry about. So how do we do it? It isn’t something I have figured out and something I fail to put into practice as often as I preach it. But the Lord’s guidance through his Word is the key.

Just as the Bible warns against the consequences of anger and bitterness, it also teaches us what to do instead. Paul tells us to “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Eph. 4:31), and to instead, put on “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience” (Col. 3:8). But the crux of it all is one attribute that is mentioned each time anger of bitterness is, and that is forgiveness.

Forgiving others just as the Lord forgave us (Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:13, Matt.6:14) is the antidote to the disease of bitterness. It frees us from our resentment and hate and allows us to live the way God intended, with grace, mercy and forgiveness. It’s the way he treats us and it’s the attitude we need to emulate.

I don’t believe we’re meant to live passive lives. When we see injustice, we need to fight to extinguish it. Many biblical figures exemplify this – John the Baptist, Paul and even Jesus himself. But as Christians, our fight to end injustice needs to be rooted in our love for the lost and our hope in drawing them to the Lord by living lives that honour him, and letting God determine the outcome.

Letting go of anger and bitterness is not easy. When situations arise that make my blood boil and tempt me to post a social media rant, I remember three things. I have a choice: I can act on my anger or choose to forgive and be kind; my purpose as a Christian is to glorify God and spread the good news of the gospel; and finally the Lord is in control and he is trustworthy to bring the world to perfect and final justice at the proper time. Living out these truths is a daily challenge in which I must rely on the goodness and strength of the Lord to see me through, and I pray that through this process, I will grow into a more Christlike believer.



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